Well it’s 6am and I’ve woken several times in the night. This because I have another chemotherapy treatment at 11am today. It’s never bothered me much before but after bad reactions and hospital stays after the last two doses I am very apprehensive about what will happen this time. I’m trying to keep strong and positive but I know the reality, my body is weak now.
The good thing about it is this is my 7th chemo and I only have one more after tomorrow. That’s my focus, 18th April is the last one hooray!!. Then a relaxing May and recovery period before surgery and any other treatment. I honestly feel like a pin cushion and I should be rattling the amount of tablets I’m taking ha ha.
On a positive note I still have my sense of humour, the determination not to let all this get me down and the knowledge that I’ve come a long way since November last year. I have great friends who have been with me all the way and visited me in hospital. I honestly thought they would get thrown out on their last visit. We were a bit noisy and laughing a lot, but as I have to stay in a room on my own due to low immunity at least we could shut the door to lower the noise. Apologies to other patients but it did me the world of good. Thanks girls.
Anyway back to today and fighting the fear, part of reinventing myself is to reject fear. Fear of what if. We all worry way too much about things that never happen and although for me this is happening I focus on a better future with less worry and fear about things that are not worth my time and energy. Here’s to a brighter future for us all – and a big wish, hope, hope, a lovely summer for us all to enjoy.